Performance: 1st of October 2011 at 9 pm, ANTI Festival (Kuopio)
We all like a drink, right?
Bryany Kimmings (UK)
Photograph by Konsthopp
She appeared barefoot on the stage, dressing like a cloud — but still sophisticated. “I´m a seriously bad drinker,” she shouted to the audience. “And I sleep around when I´m drunk”, Kimmings continued with a finesse “do-you-want-a-cup-of-a-tee” accent.
Let´s forget the sophistication I mentioned.
“Pussy, vagina, mirri, pillu, cunt” … “tampon socket, sausage wallet, hairy pie, nob gobbler” — Kimmings knows all the English and Finish terms for pussy. Her rich imagination float naturally, while she counted up words for our private parts like schoolchildren reciting the alphabet.
Approximately two hours later…
The viewer could book an intimate moment and share a drink with Miss Kimmings. Either the queue was too long or the drinks too strong because when it was my turn — the artist was totally wasted. She said she would only go out for one cigarette but never came back. For the first time in my life, I was stood up.
Maybe she disappeared with a hottie, one-night stand or an exotic Kuopian. Because you know — she sleeps around while she is drunk.
But sometimes you get too drunk to fuck. And Bryany Kimmings was for sure one of those people that night.
P.s. I still miss my date with Bryany Kimmings!